I feel like a monster. Honestly. My stomach, everything. Now I don’t know what to do to make it better. I don’t even know if this is all in my head, or if I was really hurtful.
My dad came to change cars with me. I’m at school, working. He came all the way up to make things work.
My car was down, and he was doing ALL the arrangements to fix everything. He had forgot his key to the vehicle and had to come in to get my key. In hindsight, I could tell he felt terrible he had forgotten the key. In hindsight, I could tell he was also worried about my reaction because I have a tendancy to over react about everything.
Enter my dad. I don’t introduce him to my class. I don’t help him feel welcome. I don’t do anything. I blank, and am a bit surprised. He apologizes, which he should definately not feel like he has to because he has been a major lifesaver.
How awful. I don’t know why I acted that way. It’s like I’m in puberty all over again, and worried about prooving myself as an adult. It’s also like I have priorities out of wack, when my job comes before being appreciative to my family. It’s as if I don’t want to show the world how much help my family is sometimes… when really they couldn’t give more to me or be any more selfless. Crazy time to make a statement of independence. And totally rude.
Slowly, I realize how stupid I’m being (not even consciencely), and try to make the situation better… “thank you”… small smile… pleasantries… but too little, too late. Honestly, I think my dad is hurt and I really screwed up.
Might sound small to you. But, I really think this will be on my mind for awhile. Hopefully, I can apologize adequately.
Arg. 🙁