This…
…is the final blog entry from our Tuscarora Studios.
I’m now unplugging the old HP before its journey south to the beltline tomorrow.
Sad, because this, the 10th house of my post-home days, has been nothing short of awesome.
Amazing, because… well… this new little spot feels like home. …like an adventure ready to unfold.
Don’t worry; once the HP gets snug and settled in there are only about a zillion things to type and discuss. Maybe even a zillion and two. Maybe even a zillion and two.
how…
…can you not fall in love with your realtor when you tell him:
oh, being done at 3:00, I can probably be there [via some speed-of-light technique] Friday from work at 3:35 to do the walk-through… this condo is pretty much on my mind 24/7.
…and he says:
perfect. we’ll meet at 3:35. I will meet you ouside with everything.
heart-felt fist-closed hands-back-and-forth eyes-closed lips-half-smirking dance-of-excitement… here.
3:35.
I love my realtor. Is that so crazy?
I am actively trying to be one who lives in the moment more often. However, this, was decidedly a weekend of anticipation… AND… it was still a success.
FRIDAY I get possession of a beige second-story eight-hundred-some square foot apartment condo just waiting for me on 12th Avenue SW. And this beige second-story eight-hundred-some square foot apartment condo TRULY FEELS like a total blank slate waiting to be realized and another total big step forward in one thread of life.
I’m so pumped.
And so this weekend was spent the way it should be… doing mad amounts of day-dreaming… copious amounts of getting caught up on organizing and laundry. Add on some time for reading my Oprah Book Club Book and LUSH exploration and laughter with LUSH’s newest [obsessive] fan… and TWO good ol’ yoga sessions; the result, I’m in a headspace where I can truly appreciate where I’m at.
And I do.
So many people seem to be excited with me. My fam. My friends. My coworkers. Everyone.
And I guess that’s why it was easy, at Yoga, when our instructor had us be grateful for those who support us in our lives “for this ninety minutes and hopefully even longer…”. As I do, I see that my abundance and my position to: pay-it-back and pay-it-forward are… well… overwhelming.
Not a bad place to be when Homeward Bound.
In fact, not a bad place to be… ever.
*sigh*
Four months later the day after dessert.
At the risk of sounding new age and pretentious:
I can do this trick,
that I could do before,
but I’m mastering in yoga.
I open my heart,
in both senses,
feel compassion, as best I can…
I observe it, send it, appreciate it
and play with it
as many ways as I can.
Last night… the person with whom,
in many ways, I can do this the easiest, the best, the most thoroughly
said more simply than I ever could, “It’s dumb we’re not doing this as completely as we could.”
And I agreed.
And so here we are and I feel
grateful, happy, relieved, more alive, and
glad that somehow ‘this trick’–that I’m sure I’ve been able to do before–
is now being done with this constant deeply-rooted smile that I’m not sure I did have before… at least not this same way.
…and I have to say, this whole experience and the amount of gratitude I feel right now: it’s a bit overwhelming
And so here we are and I feel…
… .
No word of a lie… this morning our house [being slightly unprepared for the big snow freeze] was so icy cold… i woke up shivering and shivered my way right to my toothbrush to begin the day.
It was so cold my body and part of my brain thinks it’s now winter. Even going to school in major daylight made it feel like I was going to school super late (I wasn’t… it was 5:45). I couldn’t process snow on the ground and no darkness.
So here I sit in a geeky Christmas-style sweater and it feels just like… well… Christmas.
BUT instead of winter break to look forward to…
It’s SUMMER BREAK. …and Quebec. …and all the rest. As much as I wouldn’t choose this weather, there’s one huge perk. Summer is going to sneak up and surprise us all! AND everyone’s going to be totally ready. I know I will be. SO SO SO pumped!
Insert *echoing minute-long scream* directed some unknown place in the universe…
and a *pause to experience the response and effect*…
… here.
I am so distracted today.
Hard to explain but the constant lump in my throat is softening but still swallowing me whole.
*second deafening but slightly more defeated yell*…
…here.
French and a fundraiser tomorrow will help, non?
I am so distracted.
And by reading the DailyOm.com horoscope AFTER tonight’s amazing heart-to-heart, as a Libra, I’m reassured: (The universe seems to be saying ‘you’re doing all you can…’)
You can make the most of your intellectual judiciousness by using it to determine how you might orchestrate a conclusion that is satisfying to everyone involved. The conclusion you reach today may help you ensure that neither you nor anyone in your life is blocked from fulfilling their innate potential.
If I nor anyone in my life is blocked from fulfilling their innate potential… I’ll call that a win. 
29 more days.
…29 more days. (just me? or does that have a bit of a ‘five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes’ ring to it…)
From the 9th chapter of Antione de Saint Exupery’s The Little Prince on this… a strange, new, different Monday morning. My personal version would sound more like this: I said I felt like I was going to cry… and not even three seconds after I closed the door: I did. Before anyone jumps to conclusions: nothing’s over–just different… inevitable conclusions just reached. So, really, in many ways I guess nothing’s even changed.
On the morning of his departure he put his planet in perfect order…
…But on this last morning all these familiar tasks seemed very precious to him. And when he watered the flower for the last time, and prepared to place her under the shelter of her glass globe, he realized that he was very close to tears.
“Goodbye” he said to the flower.
But she made no answer.
“Goodbye,” he said again.
The flower coughed but it was not because she had a cold.
“I have been silly,” she said to him, at last. “I ask your forgiveness. Try to be happy…”
He was surprised by this absence of reproaches. He stood there all bewildered, the glass globe held arrested in mid-air. He did not understand this quiet sweetness.
“Of course I love you,” the flower said to him. “It is my fault that you have not known it all the while. That is of no importance. But you–you have been just as foolish as I. Try to be happy…Let the glass globe be. I don’t want it any more.”
“But the wind–”
“My cold is not so bad as all that… The cool night air will do me good. I am a flower.”
“But the animals–”
“Well, I must endure the presence of two or three caterpillars if I wish to become acquainted with the butterflies. It seems that they are very beautiful. And if not the butterflies–and the caterpillars–who will call upon me? You will be far away… As for the large animals–I am not at all afraid of any of them. I have my claws.”
And, naively, she showed her four thorns. Then she added:
“Don’t linger like this. You have decided to go away. Now go!”
For she did not want him to see her crying. She was such a proud flower.
Ug. So it’s been a confusing full-circle of ‘quiet sweetness’ that’s still mostly incomprehensible to me. But, I guess that’s how it goes. Yet again, I experience something messy… and yet again, I wouldn’t do it any differently. Life is crazy.
