January, 2010

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Sweet and sad, made to feel the same.

Friday, January 29th, 2010

This post could maybe be categorized in the too-much-information realm, BUT:

I’m feeling a lot right now.  In fact, I’m feeling more than I probably thought I was capable of not so long ago.

If you’ve ever seen Big Fish, the whole movie is a giant metaphor related to the pursuit of an uncachable fish.

Not to be too cryptic as I write, I’m after an uncatchable fish right now.  It’s exhilirating, exhausting, fun, sad, sweet, amazing, awful… a lot.

(hmmm… time to watch it again, maybe?!)

Right now my toolkit, for figuring this all out, is comprised of the Calgary Public Library and my iTunes.  First at bat are K.D. Lang [should I be embarassed?  haha, her Hymns of the 49th Parallel, right now is on constant repeat] and Thich Nhat Hanh [It has been WAY too long since I’ve taken on a new one from him].

Knowing myself, next at bat, will be a movie or nine.

Wherever the topic comes up, everyone seems to completely understand (or at least try to) which has been great.  The roommate has right from the beginning, but even further in from there… so have my [incredible!] friends.  A cheering section is never bad.  Urban communion, never is either, whether it’s Ming itself or the chosen company, I almost always walk away from that place a little more confident in my adventuring.

This weekend will have to be some University Distraction Therapy.  It will also have to involve a few venturings into the deeper downtown.

…until then.

…the waiting place… and a research experiment in and of itself, how much connectivity can our modern technologies really truly provide?

I’m feeling a lot right now.

¿Tienes una corazonada?

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

I like beginnings.

In fact, I like the time before beginnings.  I like the beginning of beginnings, I guess.

Two springs ago, I got the keys to my condo, I was by myself, and I just sat in the middle of the floor.  I looked at the blank walls, and imagined what would transpire.  There was no mess.  There was no anything.  Everything was new, and yet to be.

I kind of feel that way now.  In fact, tonight, I feel a lot that way now.

Yes, the condo has become a bit of a canvas again but it’s more than that.  Tomorrow’s a day I’ve been anticipating for all sorts of reasons… so much, in fact, that I put a moment in a moment jar.

I guess in Spanish, it’s termed a ‘corozonada’.  A hunch.  An intuition.

I feel something good is coming.  A beginning.  As scary, fun, crazy, hopeful, long-winded a corozonada as it is, it’s what I feel.  …and I’m glad.

I like beginnings.

Ever cheat and just do part?

Wednesday, January 13th, 2010

five things i’d be glad for if they occured in the next 28/30/31 days:

  1. a home[less shelter]warming party.
  2. a winter activity with someone not so used to winter
  3. an immersive experience with my 5400 reading and discussion board that leaves me feeling smart
  4. mind/body/soul, a reconnection to my yogi self and a taking advantage of the 24 Massage Madness sale at Prema Sai
  5. que coro es resonara?
    que oro es resonara?
    que oro es sonara?
    que coro es sonara?
    que Ahora resonará?
    que oro ahora resonara?
    que ahora sonara?
    que ahora resonara?
    caro sonara?
    caro resonara?
    I’m on a quest to translate a saying (or word??) from Spanish to English.  It means “something good is coming but I don’t know what” … I saw it on an interview on The Hour and so I guess 5. is a two-parter … figure out what it means, and exprience it.  I do feel something good is about to happen.  Now what?  😉

Okay, these are all a little boring perhaps.  Time to broaden the restrictions for the longer-term ones.

I’m giving myself some blogging homework.

Monday, January 11th, 2010

Don’t mind me while I have a quick conversation with my online self… BUT… I’m going to try something here.

Next post, after some quiet reflection, I’d like to post five things I hope to make happen [slash would like it if happened] for the next month, the next year, and the next decade each.

I occasionally like going back in the blog occasionally to see what happened in ’05, ’06, ’07, ’08 for the month we’re in; from there I see if what I guessed my transpire actually did or where things drifted.

So that’s that.  …an Ellen-style written down list of what’s potentially to come.

This month:

This year:

This decade:

be prepared

Friday, January 8th, 2010

I’ve felt more than moderately prepared for most of my life.  I don’t know if you can chalk it up to good parenting or a life too predictable, or what, but more often than not I’m able to see most things coming.

My life, though, these days has come a little from… well… out of the ‘blue’.  Sitting here, in my temporary house, with all that’s going on quite a few things seem to be the product of tectonic shifts shaking.  I didn’t see any of this coming.  For better or for worse I feel like I’m at the mercy of quite a few powers that be as I go about my living, working, learning, Teachers Conferencing, and travelling.

Truly, the last time I’ve felt this way, if I ever have was when Thursday I was living in Edmonton.  Friday, a phone call.  Within a week or so, I was interviewing for my first teaching job in Calgary.  Then within that same week I was living in Calgary, in a new house, with new roommates.  What added to the ‘not-prepared’ feel was that I was teaching learners with needs significantly different than any I’d ever been exposed to.  I stood in front of the room thinking, “I think I missed this day at university!” as a thousand variables flew past me while I’d barely had time to consider let alone plan even my living situation.

I guess we’ll see where this whirlwind ends up.  That last one that found me here, that had me feeling equally hmm-I-hope-this-all-pans-out was one I’d certainly board again.

What does it mean to be prepared?  How do we know we are or have been?  Can we always be?

I’m not really sure about any of it.  I know I saw this winter as a fairly exciting and intimidating rollercoaster LONG before any flooding or relocation; now I know I’m one à la Space Mountain with obstacles, twists, and turns coming up totally site-unseen.  Oh well, I’m holding on, now just maybe less sure things life post 2012 with masters complete will be as quiet and calm as I’d been imagining.  It seems my adult life is one not meant to be terribly dull–luckily I have super great folks, throughout!

Noah called. He’s wondering if I still need his Arc.

Saturday, January 2nd, 2010

Ah, justapositions.

The ringing in of 2010 went beautifully, as it should.  On a ski hill in Golden, B.C. familiar laughter was backdropped with falling snow, and hot tubs, and a busy little ski hill.  I was able to travel without actually travelling: hearing the stories of our two Australian guests.  Everything was PERFECT!

Then.  January 1st, afternoon.  The ringing in–or rushing in–of an unwelcome guest: the hot water of the hot water pipe.  In moments the condo is a steam room, completely covered.  Everything present acts as a sponge, including the paint.

Long story short: everyone’s fine.  Everything, too, will be fine in time.  Thank goodness for incredible people.  …and for insurance!

While I’m feeling a bit displaced, I also feel like I’m in very great and capable hands.  My most sentimental of moments, was when I was told to get anything super-valuable or sentimental and leave the rest as it makes life easier for the de/re-construction crew.

There is literally nothing left.   No drywall.  No floors.  No furniture.  Likely, no cupboards even.  So alongside work and school this winter, will be life as a micro-contractor and interior desgner as the condo starts life over.  There’s certainly some opporunity to be found it that, I’m sure.

So.  First flood, but no surprises really.  Everyone’s been nothing short of incredible.  The hassles ahead will be much easier because of that.

We”ll see where it goes from here.  =)